You Become Who You Repeatedly Prove Yourself to Be

For a long time, I believed self-discovery was something you arrived at. That eventually, with enough experience or reflection, clarity would simply appear. That isn’t how it works. Because of that belief, I sat with the book, "Where Do I Go From Here With My Life?" by John C. Crystal and Richard N. Bolles and wrote for several weeks.

Even though it was incredibly poignant and helpful, the book was just part, albeit a big part, of my personal growth. It was huge at the time. However, what I learned slowly and sometimes reluctantly is that identity isn’t something you find. It’s something you build. Not through intention alone, but through action. Through the choices you make when no one is watching. Through the habits you repeat long after motivation fades.

During my entrepreneurial career, most of the days I worked were ordinary and the decisions I had to make weren’t always dramatic. What I did, however, is keep a journal. I would write down the date and time of day that I was making an entry. That allowed me to discover when I was most productive or feeling stressed. My journal entries ultimately formed a pattern. And that pattern became evidence of who I was becoming. It also validated when I was most productive. Unlike the exercise with “Where do I Go From Here With My Life?” that looked back to draw conclusions, the journal was dynamic. It was an ongoing learning experience.

I remember a particular week when the business felt like it was unraveling. Clients delayed payments, a key employee quit, and I questioned whether I was cut out for entrepreneurship. That week’s journal entries were blunt. Frustration. Fear. Then resolve. When I reread those pages years later, I realized something: I didn’t become resilient in a single breakthrough. I became resilient by showing up on days I wanted to quit.

Every choice leaves a trace. How you spend your time. What you tolerate. What you pursue. What you avoid. Over time, those decisions speak more clearly than goals or plans ever will. We often overestimate the power of insight and underestimate the power of consistency. We wait for certainty before acting, when in reality, certainty follows action. You don’t decide who you are and then behave accordingly. You behave, repeatedly, and gradually discover who you are. This is especially true for those of us who take risks and “fake it ‘til we make it.”

Entrepreneurship accelerates this process. Every decision: hiring, firing, risking capital, choosing markets, etc. forces you to act before certainty arrives. The market doesn’t care who you intend to be. It rewards who you repeatedly prove yourself to be

Self-discovery isn’t about asking abstract questions. It’s about observing yourself honestly. About noticing what you do under pressure, what you return to after setbacks, and what you continue to choose even when it’s difficult. In my own life, clarity didn’t come from a single breakthrough, but from repetition. From showing up again, again, and again. From making small, imperfect decisions aligned with values I hadn’t fully articulated yet, but was already living.

Identity doesn’t require an announcement. It doesn’t need reinforcement from others. It becomes real when your actions begin to agree with each other. In the end, we are shaped less by what we say we believe than by what we consistently do. You become who you repeatedly prove yourself to be.

Success Begins the Moment You Take Responsibility

Self-discovery doesn’t start with inspiration. It starts with taking responsibility because only then are you open and receptive to the truth.

The truth is that there comes a time in everyone’s life when excuses stop working. When blaming circumstances, other people, or bad timing no longer explains where you are. That moment is uncomfortable, but it’s also liberating if you embrace it.

The day I accepted full responsibility for my outcomes was the day my life truly began to change. Not because everything suddenly worked out or plans fell perfectly into place, but because I stopped waiting for permission to act differently. I stopped looking outside myself for explanations or approval. It had nothing to do with my skillset, but it had everything to do with my mindset. Responsibility, I learned, isn’t about guilt or self-criticism. It’s about ownership. The moment you accept that your choices matter, you regain control over the direction you’re headed, even when the destination isn’t yet clear.

Many people confuse responsibility with burden. In truth, it’s the opposite. It’s the release of helplessness. You may not control every event, but you always control your response and that response, of course, shapes your future. That shift in understanding changes everything.

In the back hallway of my home is a piece of artwork with a sailboat and text that says, “You can’t change the wind, but you can adjust your sails.” That’s what taking responsibility for your own behavior is about.

Self-discovery begins when you stop asking, “Why did this happen to me?”
and start asking, “What will I do with what happened?”

London Mums Magazine Reviews Success and Self-Discovery

When London Mums Magazine reviewed Success and Self-Discovery: An Entrepreneur’s Memoir of Growth and Transformation, its editors highlighted a theme that connects deeply with their readers: reinvention.

“For many London mums, the idea of reinvention is not theoretical. It is lived daily. Careers pause, shift, restart, or evolve alongside family life, changing priorities, and unexpected challenges.”

In her thoughtful piece, Monica Costa explores how the memoir’s lessons on purpose, resilience, and starting again resonate beyond business. She writes that the book “charts a life shaped not by privilege or shortcuts, but by resilience, curiosity, and the willingness to start again.”

The review captures the essence of Steve Stroum’s story, an honest journey from a spare room startup to a thriving enterprise built on integrity and persistence. Rather than offering a glossy view of success, Success and Self-Discovery balances professional achievement with personal honesty about burnout, recovery, and growth.

“This balance, achievement paired with vulnerability, is what sets the book apart from many traditional business memoirs.”

The article also highlights praise from Writer’s Digest and Midwest Book Review, underscoring the book’s broad appeal to entrepreneurs, professionals in transition, and anyone re-evaluating what success means at different stages of life.

For readers exploring career reinvention or new chapters of purpose, London Mums Magazine’s review offers a meaningful introduction to the memoir’s message that growth is rarely linear, success is personal, and starting over is always possible.

Read the full review here:
👉 London Mums Magazine – A Memoir of Reinvention: Steven M. Stroum on Entrepreneurship, Purpose, and Starting Again

He Gained Confidence and Got a Big Raise

My wife’s nephew, raised by a drug-addicted and alcoholic mother, had a really tough upbringing and never learned how to succeed. Ultimately he moved from Arizona to California and has been working hard to get his life together and be a good husband and father to their two children. I’m proud of his motivation. He’s a security guard and a hard worker. Earlier this year we became re-acquainted and I sent him a gift copy of my book. The result was a text he sent me that read, “Took some advice from your book, got me $36,000 more a year for my contract. Thanks for sending it to me.” 

“I was thrilled that my book empowered him and know that it can empower others,” that is extremely gratifying,” said Stroum.

Writer’s Digest Review

This book places itself well in a specific niche for those of the entrepreneurial spirit and mindset. The lessons Stroum shares from his life and his business processes will be relatable and valuable to folks with a similar mind frame and who are looking to create their own opportunities. He tells these experiences well and thoroughly. I found this book to feel instructive while remaining open and honest about what life actually looks like for someone, like him, who has chosen not to follow the more conventional path for themselves and to instead make their own work and their own way in life. That will connect well with readers. Folks in business book clubs or on their own entrepreneurial adventures would enjoy this read and benefit from Stroum’s experiences.

This book is exemplary in its voice and writing style. It has a unique voice, and the writing style is consistent throughout. The style and tone are also consistent with or will appeal to readers of the intended genre.

— Writer’s Digest

Thinking about your own business in 2026?

If you’re aspiring to become an entrepreneur or leaving your corporate job to start your own business, this book is for you. It is a business memoir that explains how I got started many years ago and gives you lots of personal development advice and helpful business tips too.

“Success and Self-Discovery” can inspire you to make 2026 your best year ever!!

Nothing Happens Unless You Make a Sale.

Many years ago when my photographer visited my office, he was discussing his services with me and was really not that effective. However, I saw through it. He was a fantastic photographer and we began discussing his future. He told me that he wanted to be in business and create images for clients. When I asked him about his marketing program he had a deer in the headlights look on his face. “What marketing program,” he asked.

I explained to him that if he is going to be in the photography business then he has to understand that he is a businessman first who provides photography services. As a businessman he has to create a marketing plan, lead generation activities, make sales calls and the like. These are things I teach thoroughly in my book.

How to create an effective sales presentation and learning how to execute properly is critical to your success as a small businessperson, regardless of what products or services you provide. Why? Because nothing happens unless you make a sale!

This is Why

This plaque is at Bud ‘n Mary’s fishing marina in Islamorada, Florida. I’ve been able to enjoy bonefishing there for the past 45 years because of entrepreneurship. Read these words from Theodore Roosevelt and think about it. Think hard. How do you want to live your life? Success and Self-Discovery is my story and I took control of my life. You can too!

Freedom and Free-Enterprise

Abraham Lincoln Got It. I opened one of my favorite books, The Forbes Scrapbook of Thoughts on the Business of Life and found three quotations from Abraham Lincoln that are apropos for the new year, especially if you’re thinking about starting your own business in 2024

1.   “You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

      – Abraham Lincoln

2.  “Property is the fruit of labor; property is desirable; it is a positive good in the world.  That some should be rich shows that other may become rich and, hence, is just encouragement to industry and enterprise.  Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another, but let him labor diligently and build one for himself, thus, by example, assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built.”

      – Abraham Lincoln

3.  “The prudent, penniless beginner in the world labors for wages for a while, saves a surplus with which to buy tools or land for himself another while, and at length hires another new beginner to help him.  This is the just, and generous and prosperous system which opens the way to all, give hope to all, and consequently energy, and progress, and improvement of conditions to all.”

     – Abraham Lincoln

President Lincoln explained simply why free-enterprise was essential to freedom and to improving the quality of life for everyone. Republicans lead more effectively on this philosophical argument…  Abraham Lincoln got it!